Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfieldwas an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer and writer, known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme. He is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School...
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth22 November 1921
CityDeer Park, NY
morning nice drinking
My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness. It's always there since I'm a kid. Other people wake up in the morning, 'A new day! Ah, up and at 'em!' I wake up, the heaviness is waiting for me nice. Sometimes I even talk to it. I say [adopts cheerful voice] 'Hi, heaviness!' and the heaviness looks back at me, [in an ominous growl] 'Today you're gonna get it good. You'll be drinking early today.'
funny sex humor
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
funny talking ducks
Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."
running respect romance
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
funny marriage hilarious
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
nice kissing giving
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
funny life-is situation
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
men allowance checks
My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
children kids childhood
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
love funny life
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
funny humor thinking
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
good-morning traps mice
I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
truth makeup men
I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make them bigger. Then they meet a man and they want truth.
two laughing car
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.