Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfieldwas an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer and writer, known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme. He is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School...
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth22 November 1921
CityDeer Park, NY
sex life-is-like shooting
My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
beach children parent
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
morning sex night
With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
cheating thinking wife
I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.
girl men dating
Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.
drinking doctors mirrors
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
funny reading humor
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
drug say-no-to-drugs ask-me
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
men guy wish
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.
funny hate humorous
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
funny beauty crazy
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
funny family uncles
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
mother rocks climbing
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
kids someday hernias
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."