Famous Quotes & Sayings

Milton Berle

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

Ken Thompson

SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out!

Ivan Illich

Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organized to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.

Irvin S. Cobb

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

Harry S Truman

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.

J. K. Rowling

Why are they all staring?" demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students. "Don’t let it worry you," said Ron. "It’s me. I’m extremely famous.

J. K. Rowling

Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –" "Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet." "Great idea though, thanks, Mum.

J. K. Rowling

Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.

J. K. Rowling

Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.

J. K. Rowling

Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business. Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git. Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor. Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.

J. K. Rowling

Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?

H. G. Wells

Cynicism is humor in ill health.

H. L. Mencken

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Guillermo Cabrera Infante

Puns are a form of humor with words.

J. Robert Oppenheimer

In some sort of crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something.

George Herbert

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.

Gertrude Stein

It is a difficult thing to like anybody else's ideas of being funny.

Horatio Nelson

I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a saving sense of humor.

Tracy Morgan

If I had to describe my sense of humor, I would say it's contemporary wit, you know what I'm saying?

George Romero

I don't like all the deferential humor, I think it detracts. Laugh with it, not at it.

Hunter S. Thompson

He had that rare weird electricity about him - that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving normally.

Hunter S. Thompson

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Honore de Balzac

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.

Harold Pinter

When you lead a life of scholarship you can't be bothered with the humorous realities, you know, tits, that kind of thing.

James Broughton

Follow your own weird.

James Bovard

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

Isaac Asimov

Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all time low over the world.

Milarepa

Towards the end of our stay in Uruguay, Osho had started choosing questions of mine that had a humorous potential, ones he could use to make everyone - including himself! - laugh. In the first few weeks after I arrived, the tone of his discourses was quite serious: a lot of politics and talk about the world situation and so on. It provoked my mischievous side, so I would try to provoke him as well - and that divine smile of his - with my questions.

Joseph Addison

Ridicule is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything praiseworthy in human life.

Kevin Rudd

By way of personal instinct, I have an inherent distaste for grandiose rhetorical statements, which don't have any substantive dimension to them

Kevin Spacey

Netflix did it right and focused on all the things that have replaced the dumb, raw numbers of the Nielsen world - they embraced targeted marketing and 'brand' as a virtue higher than ratings.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.