Famous Quotes & Sayings

Patrick Stump

I have a girlfriend and she hasn't minded, ... She thinks it's funny I have to sing about that stuff.

Jack Warner

I have a theory of relatives, too. Don't hire 'em.

Kurt Cobain

I hate it when people take the things I say and turn them into something sexual. Just because it's funny to them, doesn't mean everyone is going to take it that way. And I don't.

I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck.

Jack Whitehall

If I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I think I can say something funny to defuse it. Sometimes you can't.

I did some funny drawings. I tried to lighten us up a little bit, but that's about it.

David Crane

I'd like to hope that years from now people can look at the reruns...and say 'That is still a really funny show' or 'It's still really sweet.' And if that happens ... I'll be thrilled.

Terry Zwigoff

I did turn down 'The Virgin Suicides.' I talked to the producers about it, and I just honestly told them that I didn't get it. Is it supposed to be funny, is it a thriller, what is it?

I did that the whole night. I'm not going to say it was (exactly) the same, but it was funny seeing it, seeing how they executed the plays, was pretty much how we did things here. It looked real good.

Ben E. King

Yeah. I've been pretty fortunate to travel I guess, all around the place.

Carl Sandburg

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

Cameron Diaz

I've been noticing gravity since I was very young.

C. S. Lewis

It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed.

Karl Kraus

How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.

Calvin Coolidge

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

Calvin Coolidge

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement.

Buster Keaton

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

Burt Reynolds

When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.

Celia Rivenbark

She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.

Celine Dion

To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.

Catherine O'Hara

I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?

Carroll O'Connor

Nations have come under the control of haters and fools.

Carson McCullers

Next to music beer was best.

Carol Burnett

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

Carol Burnett

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

Carol Burnett

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Alan Coren

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by....

Alan Coren

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

Al Unser

Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.

Al Yankovic

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

Al Capone

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

Al Gore

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.

Al Gore

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.