Famous Quotes & Sayings

Ann Landers

Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists.

Ann Landers

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Ann Landers

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.

Ann Landers

At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

Ann Landers

One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.

Ann Landers

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

Ann Brashares

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who divide the world into two kinds of people and those who don't.

Ann Brashares

When your about to criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way when you criticize them you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes

Andy Borowitz

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

Andy Borowitz

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

Andy Borowitz

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them

Andy Borowitz

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

Andy Borowitz

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

Andy Borowitz

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Andy Borowitz

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

Andy Borowitz

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

Andy Borowitz

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

Andy Borowitz

The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.

Andy Borowitz

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Andy Cohen

The Internet is for haters. Everyone wants to knock somebody down, but it's cool.

Andrea Dworkin

Men know everything - all of them - all the time - no matter how stupid or inexperienced or arrogant or ignorant they are.

Alphonse de Lamartine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.

A. A. Milne

Bores can be divided into two classes; those who have their own particular subject, and those who do not need a subject.

A. A. Milne

They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them.

Where Walter was irascible and funny and mean and challenging, Jack was just always laughing at Walter's jokes and being sweet and lovable,

Kathy Najimy

What is challenging is to be organically funny without being disrespectful

Gary Sinise

My wife's a loving, funny, Irish-spirited person, and I'm still surprised at some of the things she says. She makes me laugh every day.

John Mellencamp

It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about.

Lorrie Moore

I don't sit down to write a funny story. Every single thing I sit down to write is meant to be sad.

Khloe Kardashian

It's hysterical how kids have their own personalities, even at like 3 or 4. And, it's funny what they tend to like.

Kathryn Prescott

I don't have a type looks-wise, but all my exes have been funny, open-minded and ambitious. I can't stand men with no passion in life.

Karen Abbott

I think the most important thing journalism taught me is to mine for details. The details are key. You can't try to be funny or strange or poignant; you have to let the details be funny or strange or poignant for you.

Jimmy Swaggart

I gave my heart to the Lord, and I remember the incident vividly. The Lord spoke to me. I know that sounds funny. It was not an audible voice or anything of that nature.