Famous Quotes & Sayings

Zach Galifianakis

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

Zach Galifianakis

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

Yul Brynner

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

Zig Ziglar

There is only one thing worse than training employees and losing them, and that's not training them and keeping them

Zach Braff

I had a very funny family.

William Hazlitt

Humour is the describing the ludicrous as it is in itself; wit is the exposing it, by comparing or contrasting it with something else. Humour is, as it were, the growth of nature and accident; wit is the product of art and fancy.

William Hazlitt

Humour is the making others act or talk absurdly and unconsciously; wit is the pointing out and ridiculing that absurdity consciously, and with more or less ill-nature.

William Hazlitt

A hair in the head is worth two in the brush.

Walter Matthau

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

Walter Matthau

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

W. Somerset Maugham

Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequence than to have a really affectionate mother.

W. Somerset Maugham

Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.

W. Somerset Maugham

The Americans, who are the most efficient people on the earth, have carried [phrase-making] to such a height of perfection and have invented so wide a range of pithy and hackneyed phrases that they can carry on an amusing and animated conversation without giving a moment’s reflection to what they are saying and so leave their minds free to consider the more important matters of big business and fornication.

W. Somerset Maugham

I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.

W. Somerset Maugham

The great American novel has not only already been written, it has already been rejected.

W. Somerset Maugham

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.

W. Somerset Maugham

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.

Yakov Smirnoff

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

Yakov Smirnoff

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

Yakov Smirnoff

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

Yakov Smirnoff

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

Yakov Smirnoff

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

Wyclef Jean

I feel that life is short, so we should be disciplined, but at the same time we should have a good time.

Yeardley Smith

Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

Zig Ziglar

Habits are funny things. What's funny, or rather tragic, is that bad habits are so predictable and avoidable. Despite this, there are people by the millions who insist on acquiring habits that are bad, expensive, and create problems. The habit they weren't going to get, got them!

Zig Ziglar

money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen

Zig Ziglar

Everyone knows what a hypocrite is. That's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR.

Zig Ziglar

A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.

Zelda Fitzgerald

We grew up founding our dreams on the infinite promise of American advertising. I still believe that one can learn to play the piano by mail and that mud will give you a perfect complexion.