Famous Quotes & Sayings

Will Rogers

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Will Rogers

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Will Rogers

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Will Rogers

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

Will Rogers

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

Will Rogers

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Will Rogers

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Hurry up and learn patience.

Wes Montgomery

I never practice my guitar. From time to time I just open the case & throw in a piece of raw meat.

Rudyard Kipling

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

Rudyard Kipling

I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.

W. Clement Stone

We have a problem. 'Congratulations.' But it's a tough problem. 'Then double congratulations.'

W. Clement Stone

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

W. C. Fields

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

W. C. Fields

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

W. C. Fields

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

W. C. Fields

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

W. C. Fields

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

W. C. Fields

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

W. C. Fields

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W. C. Fields

I like children - fried.

W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

I drink therefore I am.

W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.