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funny humorous mind
I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it. Charles Dickens
funny morning self
All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.
funny death witty
He would make a lovely corpse.
funny kings humorous
It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.
funny people literature
Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.
funny christmas xmas
Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!
funny law people
If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
funny marriage wedding
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. Charles Caleb Colton
funny age fifty
I'm aiming by the time I'm fifty to stop being an adolescent.
marriage stars wife
My wife, the star I steer by. David McCullough
marriage party talking
As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse. Dave Barry
marriage remains engines
Marriage remains the most efficient engine of disenchantment yet invented. Caitlin Flanagan
marriage want married
When I'm married I want to be single, and when I'm single I want to be married. Cary Grant
marriage mass potential terrorism weapons
The potential marriage of weapons of mass destruction with terrorism is everyone's nightmare. Condoleezza Rice
marriage men village
As a walled town is more worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a married man more honorable than the bare brow of a bachelor. William Shakespeare
marriage carnival-rides carnivals
Marriage isn't a carnival ride. Aisha Tyler
marriage kids grandchildren
I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much. Bob Newhart
marriage rocks long
A marriage is like a long trip in a tiny row boat: if one passenger starts to rock the boat, the other has to steady it, otherwise, they will go to the bottom together. David Reuben
cigarette-smoke fire smoking
If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. Douglas Adams
cigarette-smoke smoking one-day
I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better. Benny Hill
cigarette-smoke smoking used
A cigarette is the only consumer product which when used as directed kills its consumer. Gro Harlem Brundtland
cigarette-smoke smoking our-society
Cigarette smoking is clearly identified as the chief, preventable cause of death in our society. C. Everett Koop
cigarette-smoke fishing fire
A cigar has "...a fire at one end and a fool at the other." Horace Greeley
cigarette-smoke smoking might
I don't operate on smokers. I tell cigarette smokers that I can operate on you, I get paid the same. And you might even do well. But it's the wrong thing to do. So I refuse to operate on you until you stop smoking. Mehmet Oz
cigarette-smoke perfect smoking
You must have a cigarette. A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want? Oscar Wilde
cigarette-smoke smoking i-can
To smoke or not to smoke: I can make of either a life-work. Mignon McLaughlin
cigarette-smoke smoking killing
But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself. Russell Hoban