Quotes about funny
funny men air
Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources. Ronald Reagan
funny political losing
If you're explaining, you're losing.
funny issues political
I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience.
funny success politics
Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close.
funny years office
All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.
funny veterans-day military
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
funny humorous rights
I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.
funny money stupid
I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.
funny tree politics
A tree's a tree. How many more do you need to look at?
funny coffee espresso
I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.
funny witty humorous
One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
funny running government
One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.
funny laughter patriotic
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
funny depression witty
Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
funny hilarious work
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
funny hilarious work
It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.
funny business military
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
funny vacation unemployment
Unemployment insurance is a pre-paid vacation for freeloaders.
funny anniversary hippie
A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.
funny birthday patriotic
Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.
funny humor russia
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.
funny baby military
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
funny abortion pro-life
I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.
funny sarcastic running
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.
funny business believe
Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15.
funny witty humorous
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. Saint Augustine
funny witty philosophical
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
funny-friend enemy
Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you. Yasser Arafat
funny like-me
I'm not a facebook status you don't have to like me. Wiz Khalifa
funny friendship humor
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. Wilson Mizner
funny sarcastic book
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. Will Rogers
funny humor why-not
We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
funny sports hate
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.