Famous Quotes & Sayings

Larry David

People have often wondered how they'd feel if they were adopted. I think it's funny.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Susan Stroman

Mel has written 10 new songs, and they're very funny. It's a year and a half away from opening on Broadway.

Billy Corgan

The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.

Bill Shankly

A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.

Bill Engvall

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."

Bill Engvall

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

Bill Engvall

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Bill Engvall

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

Bill Cosby

If you can find humour in anything, you can survive it

Michelle Gomez

I'd always used humour as a weapon, as a protection. But being able to make people laugh is a way of not getting in too deep; it's a quick, transient fix.

John Millington Synge

Of the things which nourish the imagination, humour is one of the most needful, and it is dangerous to limit or destroy it.

Adam Brody

I like to always have humour in whatever I do.

Diana Wynne Jones

It seems to me that humour is everybody's way of keeping sane and standing off from the situations so that they can see it intellectually, as well as emotionally, and I don't know whether you've noticed, but if somebody tells a joke, it's nearly always a mini fantasy.

Andy Murray

Contrary to my image, I do have a sense of humour.

Andrew Davies

Taking the humour out of Dickens, it's not Dickens any more.

Bob Dylan

His [Bob Dylan] humour was dry and splendid.

Deirdre O'Kane

Yes... I miss that everyone in Ireland tries to knock some humour out of every situation. I don't think I appreciated that. It's unique to Ireland.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Trying to be witty leads to lying, more or less.

Becca Fitzpatrick

He grinned. “Busted. I’m a monster. Jev is my deceptively harmless — and shockingly handsome — alter ego.” “And I’m on top of it,” she announced with witty triumph. “Is that a Freudian slip?” His bluntness caught her off guard. A self-conscious blush rose in her face.

Antoine Rivarol

There is nothing so unready as readiness of wit.

Antoine Rivarol

Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.

Bill Bryson

I often feel I'm a disappointment to people because they expect me to be the guy in the books. When I sit next to someone at a dinner party I can see they expect me to be quick and witty, and I'm not at all.

Nizam Idris

I would say it's more within my expectations.

Philip Hoffman

But because of his intelligence, his wit and his insightfulness and his kind of all-consuming warmth, that would go away.

John Pomfret

I think you're a witness and a recorder.

Peter Higgs

If the U.K. were threatening to withdraw from Europe, I would certainly want Scotland to be out of that.