Famous Quotes & Sayings

Jim Calhoun

They've always been a team right on the edge. It's been a team that's given us very tight games at times. Other times, we've scored 123 points. It's been a funny series.

Christopher Walken

They are funny and also they're funny together. They're a very good team. I wouldn't be surprised if they made more movies together.

Michael Showalter

You really have no idea whether or not what you're writing is funny. In stand-up and sketch comedy, you know right away and you can make your changes accordingly.

They're probably going to look more like Yahoo. It's funny, because for the longest time, Yahoo wanted to be AOL. Now it's probably the other way around.

Billy Joel

There's an old man sitting next to meMaking love to his tonic and gin.

Malcolm Forbes

Presence is more than just being there.

Kurt Vonnegut

Future generations will look back on TV as the lead in the water pipes that slowly drove the Romans mad.

Kurt Vonnegut

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

Kurt Vonnegut

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

Kurt Vonnegut

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

William Shakespeare

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

Louis C. K.

I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I said, "What happened?" He goes: "Well, I guess I, uh... I guess I said something, and, uh... and then she got her feelings hurt." That's a weird way to phrase it: "She got her feelings hurt. I said something, and then she..." Could you more remove yourself from responsibility? "She got her feelings hurt." It's like saying, "Yeah, I shot this guy in the face, and then I guess he got himself murdered. I don't know what happened. He leaned into it."

Louis C. K.

Black people have slavery. And white people have our own thing-stuff we went though that hurt us that we have to cope with. Like when they took our slaves away. That was really hard for us. So it's pretty even.

Louis C. K.

You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited... and for me it was between the two buildings going down... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.

Louis C. K.

Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.

Louis C. K.

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.

Zedd

Whenever I'm in the U.K., people say I have an American accent. Which is, obviously, funny.

Gene Wilder

I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track.

Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

When you see things upside down, the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it's absurd. But it's tragic at the same time.

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.

Billy Collins

I don't think I've ever written a poem whose intention was just to be funny. I've written poems that start out funny and often shift into something more serious.

Billy Collins

When I write, I'm not trying to be funny. It's the way I look at the world.

Danielle Panabaker

It's funny, one of the reasons why I never wear my glasses any more is that, when I was younger, a guy once said that he liked me until he found out that I wear glasses.

Fran Drescher

And remember, it's also very funny, because side by side with grief lies joy.

Elena Satine

It's funny how the ruthless, murderous gangster has really been romanticized by the media. I mean, I grew up watching the 'Godfathers' and 'Scarface,' and they were the coolest. They're just really interesting stories with great characters. They're rock stars.

Herb Elliott

Truly, we never had the first argument, ... He was very funny, smart, well-spoken, and most of all, dedicated.

Isabel Gillies

Life is funny, at the same time being totally harsh.

Issa Rae

I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not funny.

Meryl Streep

It's bizarre that the produce manager is more important to my children's health than the pediatrician.

E. B. White

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Christine Teigen

It's funny because I want my teeth to be, like, neon 'Real Housewives' white, but mine have stopped taking to teeth whitening. When I talk to my dentist, I'm like, 'They can be that white,' and he's like, 'Veneers can be that white.'

Robin Williams

When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.