Famous Quotes & Sayings

Ellen DeGeneres

I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

Ellen DeGeneres

Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers!

Ellen DeGeneres

All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. "Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?" "Yes, I have all those things! I'm alive!"

Ellen DeGeneres

That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy.

Ellen DeGeneres

When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show.

Ellen DeGeneres

I'm a - I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two... or five or something, and she's, uh... I don't know, I've never seen her - the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection.

Ellen DeGeneres

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.

Ellen DeGeneres

The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.

Ellen DeGeneres

All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution.

Ellen DeGeneres

You say you`re sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I`M sick and tired of hearing about me.

Ellen DeGeneres

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not

Ellen DeGeneres

I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things.

Ellen DeGeneres

Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.

Ellen DeGeneres

You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.

Ellen DeGeneres

Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour and then they start dropping and they don't stop dropping until the act is completed. So it's not uncommon that they both fall all the way to the ground, hit the ground and both of them die. That's how committed they are to this. I thought to myself, 'Boy, don't we feel like wimps for stopping to answer the phone.' I don't know about you, but if I'm one of these two birds, you're getting close to the ground... I would serioulsy consider fakin' it.

Ellen DeGeneres

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

Ellen DeGeneres

It must be around forty, when you're "over the hill." I don't even know what that means and why it's a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I'm past the hard part and there's a snack in my future. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned.

Ellen DeGeneres

I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.

Ellen DeGeneres

Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.

Ellen DeGeneres

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

Ellen DeGeneres

Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.

Ellen DeGeneres

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

Ellen DeGeneres

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

Ellen DeGeneres

Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.

Ellen DeGeneres

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.

Ellen DeGeneres

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Ellen DeGeneres

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.

Ellen DeGeneres

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

Ellen DeGeneres

Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators.

Eric Allman

Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself - and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure.

Ellsworth Huntington

The buffalo is a surprisingly stupid animal.