Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bill Cosby

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

Bill Cosby

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Bill Cosby

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

Bill Cosby

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Bill Cosby

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

Bill Cosby

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Bill Cosby

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?

Bill Cosby

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Catullus

But you shall not escape my iambics.

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

Carrie Fisher

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

Carrie Fisher

My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.

Bill Burr

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Bill Burr

There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio - I don't know that guy.

Bill Burr

Any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!

Bill Burr

My neighbor's not even listening to me. He's all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He's convinced it was designed by NASA. "Actually, it's got two nozzles, one for the hot and one for the..." Really? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That's all I really care about you and your little garden hose.

Bill Burr

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Bill Burr

You're a kid, your whole life is awesome. It's awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren't scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult. All your IDs, all your credit cards - just run out of the house with no phone, turn the corner where you can't see your house, and not have a full on panic attack.

Bill Bryson

The universe is not only queerer than we suppose; it is queerer than we can suppose

Bette Davis

From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.

Bette Davis

An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.

Bette Davis

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

Berkeley Breathed

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

Ashton Kutcher

I'll watch a Keanu Reeves movie and I'll go, 'Wow, he's really not a very good actor!'

Bill Vaughan

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

Bill Vaughan

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.

Bill Vaughan

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

Bill Vaughan

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Bill Burr

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

Bill Hicks

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.