Famous Quotes & Sayings

Steve Buscemi

It's great working with Steve Carell and Jim Carrey. Those guys are really funny.

Steven Michael Quezada

It's hard for a comic to be joking when your lines can't be funny.

It seemed like a funny idea to make a movie about outlaws. The outlaws do what they want to do, how and when they want to do it.

Stephen Leacock

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

Scott Adams

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.

Scott Adams

No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.

Scott Adams

As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.

Scott Adams

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.

Scott Adams

There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.

Scott Adams

Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.

Scott Adams

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

Scott Adams

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

Ray Stevens

The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential.

Ray Romano

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

Ray Romano

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Ray Floyd

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

Thomas Jefferson

It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and to talk by the hour

Rick Reilly

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.

Roy Orbison

I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.

Ronald Blythe

Old age is - a lot of crossed off names in an address book.

Ron White

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade....

Ron White

The arresting officer-who I had literally known all my life, you know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down from me in a town of less than 400 people. We've met. Anyway, at the station, he asks me if I have any aliases. And I was just being a smartass and said, "Yeah, they call me... Tater Salad." Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed to a bench with blood coming out my nose, this cop comes up to me and says, "Are you Ron... 'Tater Salad' White?"

Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

Ron Fairly

Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is.

Ron Fairly

Last night I neglected to mention something that bears repeating.

Stephen King

I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.

Stephen King

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.

Stephen King

A woman who would steal your love when your love was really all you had to give was not much of a woman.

Stanley Tucci

This is the funny thing about Skype. No one is really looking into the camera. People always looking down because they're looking at the image. You wish the camera was there in the center.

Solomon Schechter

You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.

Taylor Swift

I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny.

Stacey King

After Michael Jordan had scored a play-off record 69 points - I'll always remember this as the night Michael and I combined to score 70 points.

Stephen Chbosky

Patrick actually used to be popular before Sam bought him some good music.