Famous Quotes & Sayings

Jeff Foxworthy

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Jeff Foxworthy

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

Jean Kerr

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

Jean Chretien

A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven.

Jean Giraudoux

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, youve got it made.

James Caan

To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while.

James A. Baldwin

Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did.

James A. Baldwin

There is a 'sanctity' involved with bringing a child into this world: it is better than bombing one out of it.

Jacques Yves Cousteau

May this continent, the last explored by humankind, be the first one to be spared by humankind.

Jackie Gleason

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

Jackie Mason

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

Jackie Kennedy

You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat.

Christopher Isherwood

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination.

George Harrison

I didn't notice him coming, but he didn't seem to be looking for an autograph signature

Jeanette Winterson

When a woman gives birth her waters break and she pours out the child and the child runs free.

Jim Carrey

Just because I rock doesn't mean I am made of stone.

Jim Carrey

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me!

Jim Carrey

Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.

Jim Carrey

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

Jim Carrey

If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.

Jim Carrey

Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.

Jim Carrey

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jennifer Weiner

Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.

Jef Raskin

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Jerry Lewis

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

Jerry Lawler

ECW stands for Extremely Crappy Wrestling.

Jerry Lawler

Go back to your bingo hall.

Jerry Lawler

What's twelve inches long and hangs in front on ass, Mankind's tie.

Jerry Lawler

The fats dented the flats.

Jerry Lawler

Foley looks like an un-made bed.

Jeff Bridges

Do I have a long-term plan? Kind of. I have a general direction, I think. But it's funny what comes down the pike.