Famous Quotes & Sayings

Phil Rizzuto

I'm glad I don't play anymore. I could never learn all those handshakes.

Peter Shaffer

All my wife has ever taken from the Mediterranean - from that whole vast intuitive culture - are four bottles of Chianti to make into lamps, and two china condiment donkeys labelled Sally and Peppy.

Quentin Crisp

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.

Quentin Crisp

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.

Quentin Crisp

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

Quentin Crisp

Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

Quentin Crisp

However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.

Quentin Crisp

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

Quentin Crisp

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

Prince Harry

To be honest dinner conversations was the worst bit about being a child and listening to the boring people around me.

Prince William

As I learned from growing up, you don't mess with your grandmother.

Prince

Act your age, not your shoe size.

Pope John XXIII

Italians come to ruin most generally in three ways, women, gambling, and farming. My family chose the slowest one.

Pope John XXIII

It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.

Mickey Rivers

Pitching is 80% of the game and the other half is hitting and fielding.

Mickey Rivers

What was the name of that dog on "Rin Tin Tin"?

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Come, therefore, and let us fling mud at them!

Moshe Dayan

If we lose this war, I'll just start another in my wife's name.

Mother Teresa

If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices.

Jim Norton

That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.

Jim Norton

I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

Jim Norton

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Jim Norton

You have the sex appeal of Norman Fell.

Jim Norton

No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

Jim Norton

That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?

Jim Norton

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

Jim Norton

What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!

Jim Norton

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

Jim Norton

There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.

Jim Norton

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.

Jim Norton

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.

Jim Norton

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

Jim Norton

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.