Famous Quotes & Sayings

Fran Lebowitz

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Fran Lebowitz

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Fran Lebowitz

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Fran Lebowitz

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

Fran Lebowitz

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Fran Lebowitz

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Fran Lebowitz

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

George Orwell

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

George Orwell

I enjoy talking to you. Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind except that you happen to be insane.

George Mikes

They (Americans) have their national game, baseball - which is cricket played with a strong American accent - and they have a national language, entirely their own, unlike any other language spoken on the earth.

George Mikes

Continental people have a sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.

George Mikes

A great deal of the pupils time was spent going through, once again, the History of the Communist (Bolshevik) Party of the Soviet Union. He had learnt it at elementary school; at secondary school; at his sports club; at the Komsomol; at the university; at a folk dancing course; at the chess-club.

George Mikes

Japan suffered terribly from the atomic bomb but never adopted a pose of moral superiority, implying: 'We would never have done it!' The Japanese know perfectly well they would have used it had they had it. They accept the idea that war is war; they give no quarter and accept none. Total war, they recognize, knows no Queensberry Rules. If you develop a devastating new weapon during a total war, you use it; you do not put it into the War Museum.

G. Gordon Liddy

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

George Sand

It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.

George Saunders

What once were two, are one

Jean Paul

Like a morning dream, life becomes more and more bright the longer we live, and the reason of everything appears more clear. What has puzzled us before seems less mysterious, and the crooked paths look straighter as we approach the end.

Jean Paul

Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life.

Jim Harrison

That is simply the most beautiful publishing office in the world, with that cranky old building in that wonderful park.

Jerry Smith

Everyone thinks softball is a girl's game. But you only think that until you get hit with it on a line drive.

Jerry Sloan

In my prime I could have handled Michael Jordan. Of course, he would be only 12 years old.

Jerry Seinfeld

Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he's with is like an exit, but he doesn't want to get off there. He wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, "Look, gas, food, lodging, that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy... Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on the sign underneath that says, "Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks, "I can make it."

Jerry Seinfeld

The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"

Jerry Seinfeld

Some of the events in the Olympics don't make sense to me. I don't understand the connection to any reality... Like in the Winter Olympics they have that biathlon that combines cross-country skiing with shooting a gun. How many alpine snipers are into this? Ski, shoot a gun... ski, bang, bang, bang... It's like combining swimming and strangling a guy. Why don't we have that? That makes absolutely as much sense to me. Just put people in the pool at the end of each lane for the swimmers.

Jerry Seinfeld

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

Jerry Seinfeld

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.

Jerry Seinfeld

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'

Jerry Seinfeld

Why would anybody want a friend?

Jerry Seinfeld

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Jerry Seinfeld

The big advantage of a book is that it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.

Jerry Seinfeld

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

Jerry Seinfeld

I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.

Jerry Seinfeld

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.