Quotes about funny
funny mom humor
At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom. George Lopez
funny humor house
I can never do nothing in this house!
funny humor names
You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.
funny mom humor
When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'
funny sarcastic coffins
Folks always look good in their coffins. Elvis Presley
funny time thinking
Every time I think that I'm getting old, and gradually going to the grave, something else happens.
funny business humor
I have no use for bodyguards, but I have very specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.
funny-things monsters treats
Funny thing about the monster. The worse he treats you, the more you love him. Ellen Hopkins
funny-love sanity
My life acccomplishments? Sanity, and you Elizabeth Gilbert
funny shoes feet
My shoes are size 2 and a 1/2, the same size as my feet Elaine Paige
funny team london-olympics
It was a great Olympics - Team USA finished the games with 17 more medals than China. China said it was tough to swallow - especially when they had to make all of our "We're #1" T-shirts. Jimmy Fallon
funny athlete winning
The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.
funny monday london-olympics
Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.'
funny country london-olympics
Mitt Romney will travel to London where he will attend the Olympics opening ceremony. Of course it's going ot be weird when they're announcing all the countries, and he's like 'Got a bank account there, got one there, two bank accounts there.'
funny years people
Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln – by sending people to the theater.
funny apples justice
Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if there's any justice, the minute they're done building it, God will introduce a newer, smaller sun that's not compatible with their machinery.
funny zoos pride
A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.
funny witty humorous
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
funny-valentines-day ideas giving
Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all.
funny-love your-boyfriend needs
I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.
funny birthday wine
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. Joan Collins
funny-life views mirrors
If life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car. And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are. Jim Steinman
funny music miserable
Do I listen to pop music because I'm miserable or am I miserable because listen to pop music? John Cusack
funny cute marriage
Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important. Lisa Hoffman
funny witty people
I love making friends.... it's people I can't stand. Linus Torvalds
funny science shooting
Excusing bad programming is a shooting offence, no matter what the circumstances.
funny humor people
When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows,' people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, for free.'
funny humor microsoft
In my opinion MS is a lot better at making money than it is at making good operating systems.
funny egypt japan
I want to go to Egypt and Japan and open orphanages... a chain of them. Lindsay Lohan
funny dumb
It was a sobering experience.
funny brain television
It's not brain surgery. It's not nuclear physics. It's television. It's only television. Linda Ellerbee
funny long want
I can do anything you want me to do so long as I dont have to speak Linda Evangelista
funny humor people
Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. Leo Tolstoy