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funny pain philosophy
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. Carol Leifer
funny men humans
It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon. Carol Leifer
funny waiting almost-done
Ask her to wait a moment I am almost done. Carl Friedrich Gauss
funny patience humor
Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. Agnes Repplier
funny women humor
Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. Agnes Repplier
funny sarcastic war
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. Abba Eban
funny marriage witty
Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens? Alan King
funny-inspirational integrity technology
Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves. Alan Kay
funny girl humor
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl. Charlie Chaplin
witty humorous idiot
What do you take me for, an idiot? Charles de Gaulle
witty profound sublime
Shakespeare, Butler and Bacon have rendered it extremely difficult for all who come after them to be sublime, witty or profound. Charles Caleb Colton
witty expression order
Euphonic and harmonious expressions, forcible and just expressions, profound and comprehensive expressions, and especially apt and witty expressions, each have their specific influence upon different minds, and their common influence upon all minds.... It is therefore high time our most valuable aphorisms and paragraphs were put in order for frequent perusal, and for handy reference, as the circumstances of life call up subjects. Charles Simmons
witty stars home
Most people sitting at home aren't cool, successful, witty Hollywood stars, but they all worry about what people think of them when they faux pas. Ricky Gervais
witty should-have purses
Every woman should have a purse of her own. Susan B. Anthony
witty memories kids
A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. A tautology is a thing which is tautological. A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. If your kids look like you, it's hereditory. If they look like the neighbor, it's the environment. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Dave Barry
witty stupid party
What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrific-ally witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties. Dave Barry
witty time compelling-reason
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. Dave Barry
witty technology promise
I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn. Dave Barry
worst-enemy knees helping
Fear to fear. Be afraid to be afraid. Your worst enemy is within your own bosom. Get to your knees and cry for help, and then rise up saying, 'I will trust, and not be afraid.' Charles Spurgeon
worst-enemy your-best-friend reggae
Your Worst Enemy Could Be Your Best Friend && Your Best Friend Your Worst Enemy Bob Marley
worst-enemy choices mind
Your mind . . . can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but it's your choice to make. Demi Lovato
worst-enemy modern-life cuban
We should sell them to our worst enemies, the Russians and the Cubans. Ed Koch
worst-enemy highlander ifs
Highlanders make the truest friends-if only because they make the worst enemies. Diana Gabaldon
worst-enemy car toyota
She already has a car.” “A Ford. That’s like Toyota’s worst enemy. Becca Fitzpatrick
worst-enemy faces doe
The most disagreeable thing that your worst enemy says to your face does not approach what your best friends say behind your back. Alfred de Musset
worst-enemy airline passengers
United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either. David Letterman
worst-enemy helping lifelong
I count myself really fortunate that I have some lifelong friends. The best thing about a friend is when you are being your own worst enemy a friend can help snap you out of it. Amy Grant