Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
Joan Alexandra Molinsky, better known as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth8 June 1933
CountryUnited States of America
nipples lows feeler
My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!
use alarms timer
I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
motels plastic surgery
Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
husband giving people
All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
daughter three twenties
Having my daughter I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception.
beautiful nice mean
Victoria Beckham is so nasty, why doesn't she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don't care what she does. She's mean to all the people around her. She's too short to be a diva. We all use the same hairdressers, make-up artists, limo-drivers and greeters at the airports in LA and nobody has anything nice to say about her. They say she's rude. She can't always just be having a bad day.
thinking florida people
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
beautiful girl littles
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
valentine heart people
Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
mother sex pain
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off. It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom. My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.
black dying my-friends
All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.
perseverance persistence endeavor
In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
emotional air trouble
Emotional troubles are like landfill. Get them outside, and the air disintegrates them.
unexpected surprise
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.