Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
Joan Alexandra Molinsky, better known as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth8 June 1933
CountryUnited States of America
wrecks ifs
If you're not a wreck in this business, you're not around.
girl done stitches
Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
perfect meals would-be
My perfect last meal would be: shrimp cocktail, lasagna, steak, creamed spinach, salad with bleu cheese dressing, onion rings, garlic bread, and a dessert of strawberry shortcake.
daughter believe book
Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
friends new-york knowing
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
thinking years today
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
men making-love clean
Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
style said one-thing
My personal style is over-the-top dowager. The old days they said get dressed and take one thing off, I say get dressed and put one thing on.
proud dykes damn
I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
nipples lows feeler
My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!
use alarms timer
I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
motels plastic surgery
Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
husband giving people
All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
daughter three twenties
Having my daughter I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception.