Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
Joan Alexandra Molinsky, better known as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth8 June 1933
CountryUnited States of America
wise mean thinking
Marriage isn't a contest to see who is most often right. Marriage requires being what the Japanese call 'the wise bamboo,' which means you bend so you don't break. Treat your spouse with the flexibility and respect you would give to a top client. Think how we treat clients; We smile, we are polite, we listen to their ideas. Never forget that your spouse is your most important client.
hilarious sailing pay
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
grieving get-better wish
I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.
mom mother dating
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him. You'll double your wardrobe.'
funeral comedian age
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
success inspiration memorable
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
enjoy happenings
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
wise wisdom thinking
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
funny years lucky
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
laughing deals ifs
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
men wife guy
I'm going out with these old guys. One guy gave me a hickey and left his teeth in my neck. Another man, we were having a perfectly lovely dinner; he looked up and me and went: You're not my wife! Another guy died during dinner. I had to go in his pocket to get the American Express card. Then you wonder: What would he tip? Another guy said: I want you to meet my family, and took me to the cemetery.
apology laughing watches
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.
book fire people
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.
fashion people water
Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.