Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
hate drinking keys
I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.
children hate people
You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; it would be different if it was your own child. Well what if it wasn't?
hate people different
People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate.
country hate thinking
I wish the 50 states would break up. Lose the centralised government. More choice. How do you want to live, there's 50 different ways! You hate black people? We've a state for that. You wanna have an abortion? Here's a state. I think we should just keep breaking up countries now so they become just individuals.
death hate waiting
I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
hate pride race
Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met
athletic good musical
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.
brain comedy crafted element fact fraudulent months night rolling root though weeks
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.
running topics towns
I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
dying mouths tadpoles
"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.
littles arizona towns
When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.
car house drug
There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
might tools actors
[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.
government drug said
If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery.