Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
people done alligators
People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.
school awkward bullets
He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.
angry
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.
judging used alcoholics
I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
country speak-english firsts
You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
punishment tickets vices
Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
pussy cocaine easy
That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
laughing insane faces
Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
beer waiting excess
Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.
boiler-room stuff rooms
I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
children what-if freedom-of-speech
I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
baby father people
I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
drug done problem
They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem.
Get the right to marry - and then don't.