Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
funny jesus humor
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
funny humor opening-up
As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.
funny humor years
What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
funny humor people
I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
funny humor abortion
You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.
funny humor noses
I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
fun being-funny
Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
funny humor trying
I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.
funny humor alcohol
They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.
funny baby humor
If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby - go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.
funny comedy aids
That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.
funny cancer humor
All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!
funny baby humor
Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!
funny humor drunk
Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.