Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
baby father people
I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
funny baby humor
If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby - go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.
funny baby humor
Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!
baby war excuse-you
The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
funny beautiful baby
Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.
athletic good musical
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.
brain comedy crafted element fact fraudulent months night rolling root though weeks
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.
running topics towns
I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
dying mouths tadpoles
"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.
littles arizona towns
When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.
car house drug
There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
might tools actors
[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.
government drug said
If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery.
funny jesus humor
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.