Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
athlete self long
I drink during every show. I can't remember the last show I did completely sober. It works for me. I use it as a tool. It's like steroids are for athletes. I'm looser and more self-confident. If I drank less, I wouldn't have been on stage this long.
people mediocre intellect
I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
country hate thinking
I wish the 50 states would break up. Lose the centralised government. More choice. How do you want to live, there's 50 different ways! You hate black people? We've a state for that. You wanna have an abortion? Here's a state. I think we should just keep breaking up countries now so they become just individuals.
law drunk ass
You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.
beautiful asian sexually
When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
funny depression suicide
Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.
trying killing-yourself ifs
If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.
funny humor people
Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
mother abortion trying
You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
funny believe humor
If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?
trying alive sin
Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.
who-we-are flaws
It's our flaws who make us who we are.
death hate waiting
I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
religion intellectual progress
Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.