Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his cynical and controversial comedy style and libertarian political views...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 March 1967
CityWorcester, MA
CountryUnited States of America
lying home nursing
They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to the 90-year-old lying awake at the graveyard shift in the nursing home, groaning with dementia. The only reason he hasn't killed himself is that he hasn't figured out a way he can do it with pudding.
marijuana thinking people
I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don't.
two different world
The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
laughing should humour
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.
perfect say-anything want
I'm in a perfect position. I don't want to be more famous and I can't lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want.
fall self drunk
I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.
real voice wells
Not only are the voices in your head real, but they're accurate as well.
drinking games play
Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.
religious diagnosis want
Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.
writing passion medicine
You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.
jobs freak hell
If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.
mothers-day wall fists
Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day.
thinking get-better firsts
The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
tonight kind problem
I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.