Author unknown
Author unknown
friend good heaps life miss ship sinking together
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
cut gives half life
When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!
hear shooting
When shooting a mime, don't use a silencer or his friends will hear you.
baseball hit man
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
butcher meat top
I told the butcher I'd give him $10 if he got the meat down off the top shelf. He said he couldn't. The steaks were too high.
address cause effect fix rather root
For every effect there is a root cause. Find and address the root cause rather than try to fix the effect, as there is no end to the latter.
rag smell
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
bites dogs feeds hand hot noblest
The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
bus fast runs twice vehicle
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
good head voices
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
call cow disease mad
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
created draft final god man rough sure
Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.
passengers peacefully sleep
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
gift history present today tomorrow yesterday
Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, but today is a gift that is why it is called the present