Famous Quotes & Sayings

Sergio Aragones

Eventually I would like to touch all the genres. I would like to do some detective stories, and I want to do a Western. I would want to do humorous Westerns.

Julie Kagawa

Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?

Kami Garcia

You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.

Mike Harding

When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.

Mike Harding

... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune of Camptown Races. Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.

Mike Harding

Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ...

Mike Harding

Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled.

Mike Harding

Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold hasn't done anything to them.

Mike Harding

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Mike Harding

The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog Eater.

Mike Harding

The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service.

Mike Harding

The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't take it too seriously.

L. Ron Hubbard

It is considered in England and the United States that the Government of South Africa is altogether too harsh with its native peoples. It is sadly humorous to notice that the native in South Africa, however, holds an exactly reverse opinion and the fault he finds with the South African Government is that it is far too lenient in its administration of laws throughout the native populace.

Ross Perot

[In Moscow] we got through to [Soviet leaders] Brezhnev and Kosygin on the telephone. I think it was because nobody had ever tried to call them at home before.

Ross Perot

Japan is our rival, not our enemy. Japan is a competitor... Bashing a Toyota won't make a better car.

Tamora Pierce

Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.

Ron Glass

I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted to have this opportunity to be a part of this project.

Tom Robbins

America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are complete lunatics, and every single one of us is secretly in show business. Isn't that fabulous?

Tom Robbins

From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue, has three hotels on every lot, and no matter how often it tossed the dice you just knew it would never land on Go to Jail, it would be forever passing Go and collecting $200.

Tom Robbins

The Japanese have become so smitten with the Western condiment - its texture as silky as a kimono, its tang as understated as the tang of Zen - that today they have a word for mayonnaise junkie: mayora.

Tom Robbins

As expected, you get his machine. Someday, even the "call of nature" will be answered by a machine.

Tom Lehrer

Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.

Tom Lehrer

Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.

Vikram Seth

Poetry, I think, intensifies the reader's experience. If it's a humorous facet of the story, poetry makes it more exuberant. If it's a sad facet, poetry can make it more poignant.

V. S. Pritchett

The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life.

Suzanne Collins

Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.

Suzanne Collins

If you appeal to the crowd, either by being humorous or brutal or eccentric, you gain favor.

Suzanne Collins

I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite.

Suzanne Collins

No. Now, shut up and eat your pears.

Stephen King

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

Stephenie Meyer

Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

Thomas Bailey Aldrich

It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it. I don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and the signature (which I guessed at). There's a singular and a perpetual charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its novelty .... Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but yours are kept forever - unread. One of them will last a reasonable man a lifetime.

Victor Kiam

You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception.