Famous Quotes & Sayings

Robert Benchley

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

Rita Rudner

Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

Rita Rudner

Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.

Rene Descartes

Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.

Timothy Leary

Acid is not for every brain .... Only the healthy, happy, wholesome, handsome, hopeful, humorous, high-velocity should seek these experiences. This elitism is totally self-determined. Unless you are self-confident, self-directed, self-selected, please abstain.

Thomas Reed

One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Richard M. Nixon

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

Robin Williams

Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?

Robert Reich

Averages don't always reveal the most telling realities. You know, Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of 6 feet.

Tori Spelling

I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level.

Robert Graves

Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves.

Robert Graves

Abstract reason, formerly the servant of practical human reasons, has everywhere become its master, and denies poetry any excuse for existence. Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves. Of never acquiescing in a fraud; of never accepting the secondary-rate in poetry, painting, music, love, friends. Of safeguarding our poetic institutions against the encroachments of mechanized, insensate, inhumane, abstract rationality.

Samuel Johnson

An exotic and irrational entertainment.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

I'm really interested in the link between creativity and humor because humor is a type of creativity, and I do think that humorous people and humorous health helps creativity.

Walt Kelly

Now is the time for all good men to come to.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor.

Wayne Dyer

I am realistic – I expect miracles.

William Bernbach

Just because your ad looks good is no insurance that it will get looked at. How many people do you know who are impeccably groomed... but dull?

Samuel Foote

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. What! no soap? So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots.

Samuel Goldwyn

Coffee isn't my cup of tea.

Washington Irving

He that drinks beer, thinks beer.

Winston Churchill

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

Winston Churchill

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

Winston Churchill

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.

William S. Paley

He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.

Woody Allen

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.

Woody Allen

Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes ...

Woody Allen

Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.

Woody Allen

Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.

William F. Buckley, Jr.

I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.

Winston Churchill

Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.

Will Shetterly

Unless you're writing for a humorous effect, elves or space aliens and all creatures who aren't human should at least be as strange as, oh, the French.