Famous Quotes & Sayings

Groucho Marx

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Groucho Marx

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

Groucho Marx

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Groucho Marx

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

Groucho Marx

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

Groucho Marx

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

Groucho Marx

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Groucho Marx

Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.

Groucho Marx

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

Groucho Marx

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

Groucho Marx

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Groucho Marx

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

Groucho Marx

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Groucho Marx

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Groucho Marx

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

Groucho Marx

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Groucho Marx

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

Groucho Marx

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Groucho Marx

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Groucho Marx

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

Groucho Marx

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Groucho Marx

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Groucho Marx

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Groucho Marx

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Groucho Marx

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Groucho Marx

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!