Famous Quotes & Sayings

Groucho Marx

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Groucho Marx

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Groucho Marx

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Groucho Marx

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Groucho Marx

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Golda Meir

Whether women are better than men I cannot say - but I can say they are certainly no worse.

Golda Meir

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're aboard, there's nothing you can do.

Golda Meir

Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!

Harpo Marx

Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder. "Harpo my boy," he said, "I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember." My heart jumped and I glowed with expectation. I was going to hear the magic password to a rich, full life from the master himself. "Yes sir?" I said. And he told me the three things. I regret that I've forgotten what they were.

Harriet Martineau

Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare.

Harper Lee

Ladies pick funny things to be proud of.

Homer

I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

Igor Stravinsky

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Ian Rush

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country.

Hugh Sidey

A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.

Hugo Black

When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.

Howard Nemerov

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

Hank Aaron

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

Hannah Arendt

Few girls are as well shaped as a good horse.

He's very funny and a great magician. Hopefully that will be a nice new attraction.

Andrea Mitchell

He thought the whole thing was so funny.

Jermaine Dye

He thought it was kind of funny. He said he's known now. I told him he could probably go to Hollywood now and become a movie star.

Lou Duva

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.

Friedrich Nietzsche

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

George Best

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted

George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

George Burns

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

George Burns

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

George Burns

How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.

George Burns

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

George Burns

I worried about playing God (in the movie Oh God). We're about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.