Famous Quotes & Sayings

Groucho Marx

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Groucho Marx

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Groucho Marx

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Groucho Marx

I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

Groucho Marx

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

Groucho Marx

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

Groucho Marx

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Groucho Marx

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Groucho Marx

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Groucho Marx

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

Groucho Marx

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Groucho Marx

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Groucho Marx

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

Groucho Marx

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Groucho Marx

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Groucho Marx

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Groucho Marx

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Groucho Marx

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Groucho Marx

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Groucho Marx

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Groucho Marx

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Groucho Marx

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

Groucho Marx

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx

Any place I hang my head is home.