Famous Quotes & Sayings

Eugene Ormandy

Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it, approximately.

Eugene Ormandy

We can't hear the balance yet because the soloist is still on the airplane.

Francine Pascal

Another funny thing about having friends was that they expected things of you. they made you want to not be a terrible, awful, execrable person. They made you feel worse when you were one. It was a lot easier not to have any friends.

Francis Bacon

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

Francis Bacon

Without friends the world is but a wilderness.

Francis Bacon

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.

Jeff Valdez

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Jeff Goldblum

I travel for work, but recently, friends said I should take major trips.

Jean Rostand

My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.

Jean Rostand

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.

Jean Rostand

Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god.

Groucho Marx

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Groucho Marx

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

Groucho Marx

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Groucho Marx

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Groucho Marx

All geniuses die young.

Groucho Marx

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Groucho Marx

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

Groucho Marx

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

Groucho Marx

Do you mind if I don't smoke?

Groucho Marx

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

Groucho Marx

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Groucho Marx

The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

Groucho Marx

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight...

Groucho Marx

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

Groucho Marx

Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.

Groucho Marx

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

Groucho Marx

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

Groucho Marx

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

Groucho Marx

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

Groucho Marx

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

Groucho Marx

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

Groucho Marx

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.