Quotes about funny
funny california white
Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder. Jay Leno
funny soccer team
Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles.
funny teenager team
Wasn't it thrilling when the U.S. Women's team took home the gold in gymnastics? A group of American teenagers getting a higher score than Chinese kids? That never happens.
funny thinking next
The Supreme Court has ruled that anybody can be strip-searched for any kind of arrest. That's something to think about the next time you bring 12 items into a 10-item-or-less lane.
funny mean thinking
It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you don't. I mean, I don't want to put on sunglasses. That's why I'm in show business.
funny stupid light
I saw something stupid in the paper today. A new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like loud noises. Instead, it slowly hits you with light and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up. I already have one of those.. it's called a window.
funny running school
Usain Bolt won the gold for the men's 100- and 200-meter dashes for the second Olympics in a row. You know, he has been running since he was in elementary school - kind of like Mitt Romney.
funny humor offering
AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."
funny flames games
The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.
funny team night
Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform.
funny queens london-olympics
The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider.
funny fighting london-olympics
In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there's hope for a ceasefire within the Jackson family.
funny london-olympics chinese
Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they're just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it's an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing.
funny team kids
I guess you heard about this; the U.S. Olympic Committee is coming under fire after it was revealed that the uniforms for Team USA to be worn in the opening ceremony were made in China. Turns out they were made by some of the same kids who could beat us in gymnastics. That's the worst part.
funny new-year health
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
funny dog toilets
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
funny witty two
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
funny weed marijuana
Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.
funny voting politics
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
funny humorous doctors
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
funny money thinking
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
funny romantic valentines-day
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
funny christmas wise
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
funny art listening
You have to master not only the art of listening to your head, you must also master listening to your heart and listening to your gut. Carly Fiorina
funny leadership small-acts
Leadership comes in small acts as well as bold strokes.
funny-inspirational opportunity data
The data is clear: If you give a woman an opportunity, she will make a huge difference.
funny humor night
Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. Candice Bergen
funny memorable california
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom.
funny writing sarcasm
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. Burt Bacharach
funny inspiring important
If you're into what you're playing, that's the most important thing. James Hetfield
funny-marriage charity ought
True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day. James E. Faust
funny moving way
I recently spent quite a bit of time in Sheffield, England, which is where I'm from. I wouldn't move back there, but it's funny when you spend a bit of time in the place where you were brought up. You kind of realize how that place has had quite a big effect on you or made you a certain way. Jarvis Cocker
funny time work
So little time and so little to do. Oscar Levant