Famous Quotes & Sayings

Maynard James Keenan

Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.

Maynard James Keenan

People have to follow their hearts, and if their hearts lead them to Wal-Mart, so be it.

Allison Jones

Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air.

Chris Parnell

'Saturday Night Live' is a very particular beast. What it celebrates are individuals who can stand out. I did good work there, but going onstage and saying, 'Hey! Hey! Look at me! Aren't I funny?' - that just wasn't my instinct.

Howard Stern

Saturday Night Live' has ceased to be funny. And for a long time... I've heard a lot of people say this... it's not just me...but that 'Saturday Night Live' is not sort of happening and maybe it's time for an alternative.

Neil Innes

So we used to look for funny songs, and learn them and play them. And we used to play them in pubs.

Billy Joel

There's an old man sitting next to meMaking love to his tonic and gin.

James Bailey

A blunderer is a man who starts a meat market during Lent

It's mental when things are going well. It's funny how things happen. When things aren't going well, you can't kick one in.

It's usually very funny or sometimes really sweet.

Mata Hari

It's not just a matter of going through Heat and chucking in anyone. You have to have a pretty one, a funny one, a thick one and a mad one,

Christopher Walken

They are funny and also they're funny together. They're a very good team. I wouldn't be surprised if they made more movies together.

There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters . . . I could be their leader.

Michael Showalter

You really have no idea whether or not what you're writing is funny. In stand-up and sketch comedy, you know right away and you can make your changes accordingly.

S. I. Hayakawa

I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.

S. J. Perelman

"In France," Marcel said with wintry dignity, "accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen."

S. J. Perelman

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue.

S. J. Perelman

Do you know anything at all that nobody else knows or, for that matter, gives a damn about? If you do, then sit tight, because one of these days you're going to Hollywood as a technical supervisor on a million dollar movie.

Russell M. Nelson

The only duration of family life that satisfies the loftiest longings of the human soul is forever.

Russell Simmons

You'll see a lot of funny stuff, you'll see a lot of daddy-knows-best stuff, you'll see a lot of me and my wife trying to hold the family together.

Ronald Reagan

Please assure me that you are all Republicans.

Ronald Reagan

Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".

Ronald Reagan

Until now has there ever been a time in which so many of the prophecies are coming together? There have been times in the past when people thought the end of the world was coming, and so forth, but never anything like this.

Ronald Reagan

We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet.

Ronald Reagan

... a faceless mass, waiting for handouts.

Ronald Reagan

Today a newcomer to the state is automatically eligible for our many aid programs the moment he crosses the border.

Ronald Reagan

We think there is a parallel between federal involvement in education and the decline in profit over recent years.

Ronald Reagan

They've done away with those committees. That shows the success of what the Soviets were able to do in this country.

Ronald Reagan

I know all the bad things that happened in that war. I was in uniform four years myself.

Ronald Reagan

... the moral equal of our Founding Fathers.

Ronald Reagan

I have a feeling that we are doing better in the war than the people have been told.

Ronald Reagan

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The U.S. Geological Survey has told me that the proven potential for oil in Alaska alone is greater than the proven reserves in Saudi Arabia.

Ronald Reagan

Growing and decaying vegetation in this land are responsible for 93 percent of the oxides of nitrogen.