Quotes about funny
funny suicide humor
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. Erma Bombeck
funny-thanksgiving diets
No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
funny couple husband
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
funny cheer tired
All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
funny-life world paradise
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
funny family mom
Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
funny-friendship garden years
Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
funny food humor
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
funny witty humorous
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
funny wedding husband
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
funny running sex
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
funny life witty
Never have more children than you have car windows.
funny friendship laughter
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
funny block doors
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
funny family children
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
funny drinking humor
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
funny-inspirational children parenting
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
funny humorous food
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
funny family mom
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
funny life cost-of-living
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down. Flip Wilson
funny humor gone
Another day gone and no jokes. Flann O'Brien
funny life change
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. Flannery O'Connor
funny would-be comedy
You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end. Fiona Apple
funny sexy good-sex
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant. Henry Miller
funny humor night
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried. Henny Youngman
funny humor men
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
funny humor men
I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.
funny humor men
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"
funny girl war
During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.
funny humor italian
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
funny humor years
His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.
funny humor kissing
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"
funny humor men
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.