Famous Quotes & Sayings

Dick Gregory

Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss.

Todd Barry

There are commercials that are funny, but you might forget the product. A standard commercial might hammer that point home better.

Lea DeLaria

I can't discriminate? Oh, that's ripe, coming from a straight white man. What's the matter, baby doesn't feel like he belongs? Well why don't you try a place that was set up just for you? Like the world!

James Thurber

Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.

James Thurber

Love is the strange bewilderment that overtakes one person on account of another person.

George Burns

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

Keenen Ivory Wayans

I throw it all in there, Kung Fu, blaxploitation, horror.

Rachel Dratch

When I was little, we used to have Atari.

Andy Richter

Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that ain't funny. No giggles there.

Chevy Chase

Most people just want you to acknowledge that they did recognize you. Those who want an autograph or a photo is a different matter altogether.

George Burns

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Debra Wilson

What's so interesting is that the Aborigine language is all handed down from generation to generation - it's not a written language.

Ring Lardner

I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant.

Ring Lardner

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

Ring Lardner

No one, ever, wrote anything as well even after one drink as he would have done with out it.

Ring Lardner

A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.

Ring Lardner

The only real happiness a ballplayer has is when he is playing a ball game and accomplishes something he didn't think he could do.

Ring Lardner

The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.

Samantha Bee

There are some people who believe that these are not real stories with real people, but they actually are.

Samantha Bee

I learn something in the interviews from time to time.

Samantha Bee

A lot of funny stuff happens in Canada.

Robert Klein

Regis and I were inducted into the original Bronx Walk of Fame.

Robert Klein

So it took me five years because in the interim I have been doing a lot of personal appearances and movies and some television series that went into the plumbing and I stopped writing for a while.

Chevy Chase

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

George Foreman

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Wanda Sykes

But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced.

But as the times change, people change, and so do their tastes, so I try to understand what the public wants, what they require.

Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Dana Carvey

I had written in another draft a completely different kind of fight, but they said they couldn't afford to shoot it. They needed a fight scene, though, so I was told to put a fight scene in, but not the one I had written.

Joan Rivers

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Groucho Marx

I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.