Famous Quotes & Sayings

Jimmy Fallon

I first met Queen when we worked together on Saturday Night Live and you just saw immediately that she got comedy. Immediately she got every joke.

Dana Carvey

I can tell you now what I couldn't tell the studio then: Purely in case the movie was like a monster smash, I would have gotten too recognized.

Steven Wright

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Lucille Ball

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn' t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

Josh Billings

One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.

One feature of our life that is very evident is the apathy of most young persons, which in extreme cases is manifested as delinquency.

Thomas Aquinas

Law is nothing other than a certain ordinance of reason for the common good, promulgated by the person who has the care of the community.

Johnny Carson

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Bruce Vilanch

It's really live television, the way God meant it to be.

Jane Wagner

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

James Thurber

It is better to have loafed and lost, than never to have loafed at all.

Emo Philips

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

Joey Adams

People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

Joe E. Lewis

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Chris Farley

Everyone is treating it like a Hollywood story. In Madison, it's a neighborhood story.

Ben Stiller

Finding a woman to share your life is not an easy thing in the first place, and then to find yourself happy is even more pleasantly surprising.

Shelley Berman

But, let's face it, I'm a Chicago boy.

Bill Cosby

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

Groucho Marx

There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.

Kathy Griffin

There are lots of little mom and pop furniture stores in L.A., which is perfect for me because I like to mix the old with the new.

Joe Rogan

People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.

Jimmy Durante

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Jay London

I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.

Randy Newman

When people start knocking those bands, those bands that sing all that harmony, it's hard, I can't do it. Course, there's only one of me.

Tim Robbins

There is absolutely no way that I would enter that world. I would never run for office.

Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rob Corddry

I don't feel like I even need to contribute.

Amy Poehler

Sometimes in my class I have people come in and do monologues inspired by people they know and I always find that to be useful to do specifics about somebody and then you're actually doing a character and not doing some random old lady or something.

Debra Wilson

We always performed for our church, but we also just performed whenever the family got together.

Debra Wilson

I was a shy little girl, nothing like what I am now.

Debra Wilson

I have to approach my life in this way so I can do what I need to do, and do it very well.

Debra Wilson

People who don't use the tools given to them only injure themselves.

Dennis Ross

We can't have a failure in Iraq, but we also can't be there for the next 10 years because if we are, it's going to become, I think, a failure in and of itself.