Famous Quotes & Sayings

Patton Oswalt

I love doing stand-up, and having a growing core of fans forces me to experiment and push every time. Everyone has fun - me, most importantly.

Bill Cosby

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

Everybody needs feedback, and it's a heck of a lot cheaper than paying a trainer.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.

Debra Wilson

I've got my own future and my own life and it's positive and I feel blessed, so I'm going to do what I need to that's in my best interests.

Bob Hope

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

Laura Kightlinger

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal and really that's such a small part of it.

Lucille Ball

If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.

Todd Barry

In New York, if you wanted to be a comic you had to bring people to try to get on an open mic, but you could get on a regular show in Florida.

Jerry Stiller

I don't let my feelings out. The audience brings out the part of me that wants to be funny. Maybe I want to be like that very deep down.

Dana Carvey

I couldn't do any of my other characters, you know? But I could have done the lady. Church Lady's Malibu Beach party is an idea I have for a movie, too. Yes.

Rodney Dangerfield

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Jerry Stiller

I ask myself why I do it. Maybe it's to prove I'm still around. It takes a lot out of my body. I'm not an NBA player anymore. At my age, very few people can handle it.

E. B. White

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

Emo Philips

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

Andy Richter

Because homecoming came first, and there was the homecoming court. The five guys on homecoming court were disqualified from being in the prom court. So being prom king was being sixth most popular.

Flip Wilson

Before you can hit the jackpot, you have to put a coin in the machine.

Todd Barry

I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy.

Red Skelton

I personally believe we were put her to build and not to destroy.

Red Skelton

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose - to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

Dana Carvey

I recently found out about this other super movie star. He only works from about 11:00 to 4:00, so all his movies take like 120 days. But this was a lot of stuff to do in 35 days.

Bob Hope

I have to much money invested in sweaters.

Wanda Sykes

I don't know if it's a woman's tone of voice or training. Maybe guys are like, When I go home, I have to hear it. Right now I'm at work.

Dick Smothers

It works much like a marriage, an old marriage. You've got to work on it.

They want to build a future for themselves in a society they believe in. They want to have a national goal that they can achieve.

Jonathan Katz

For a good chunk of Israelis, it doesn't matter who is in power when it comes to dealing with the Palestinians. Their focus was more on economic issues.

Lea DeLaria

I tend to like very bitchy women. I find myself most attracted to smart, sarcastic, bitchy women.

Chris Elliott

I missed the boat when I was doing Late Night.

Ben Stiller

I have not gone to an 'N Sync concert personally. But my dad did a part in Lance Bass' new movie. He could not be a nicer young man.

Don Adams

The character was so strong, particularly because of that distinctive voice, that nobody could picture me in any other type of role.

Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

Chevy Chase

The first thing that happens is that you're overwhelmed by so much attention. It's just so unnatural. Only people who've been in that position can realize what it's like. I mean, you have to be there.