Famous Quotes & Sayings

W. C. Fields

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Mike Epps

I'm engaged, on the way to being married.

Martin Lawrence

I know you think I'm crazy. I go into a different room and I actually felt like it takes me to a better place, positive instead of negative.

Gilbert Gottfried

I host these bad movies late at night.

Wanda Sykes

I'm a big Cosby fan. I respect the man.

Patton Oswalt

I love doing stand-up, and having a growing core of fans forces me to experiment and push every time. Everyone has fun - me, most importantly.

Todd Barry

I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy.

Chris Elliott

I missed the boat when I was doing Late Night.

Ben Stiller

I have not gone to an 'N Sync concert personally. But my dad did a part in Lance Bass' new movie. He could not be a nicer young man.

Dana Carvey

I recently found out about this other super movie star. He only works from about 11:00 to 4:00, so all his movies take like 120 days. But this was a lot of stuff to do in 35 days.

Mike Epps

With Ice Cube they ain't no telling. He might have one cocked and loaded, ready to bust. We might do The Sunday, two old men sitting around the house waiting on the social security check.

Jimmy Fallon

We tried to stay as far away from the players as I could. I mean, I don't play for the Red Sox. I didn't want to disrupt any of their joy.

Wanda Sykes

Also, Def Jam came along, and everybody was doing it without really practicing or trying to be better comics, just trying to get on TV.

Jimmy Fallon

They got a great performance from me. I was happy.

Chevy Chase

The first thing that happens is that you're overwhelmed by so much attention. It's just so unnatural. Only people who've been in that position can realize what it's like. I mean, you have to be there.

Don Adams

The character was so strong, particularly because of that distinctive voice, that nobody could picture me in any other type of role.

Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

Eddie Murphy

You know, making a movie is a collaborative effort and sometimes all the ingredients don't work out. I know that every now and again I am going to make a movie that won't work.

Josh Billings

The trouble with most folks ain't so much their ignorance as knowing so many things that ain't so.

They want to build a future for themselves in a society they believe in. They want to have a national goal that they can achieve.

Jerry Stiller

I ask myself why I do it. Maybe it's to prove I'm still around. It takes a lot out of my body. I'm not an NBA player anymore. At my age, very few people can handle it.

E. B. White

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

Emo Philips

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

Jerry Stiller

I don't let my feelings out. The audience brings out the part of me that wants to be funny. Maybe I want to be like that very deep down.

Dana Carvey

I couldn't do any of my other characters, you know? But I could have done the lady. Church Lady's Malibu Beach party is an idea I have for a movie, too. Yes.

Rodney Dangerfield

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Bill Cosby

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

Julia Sweeney

I used to think no one should go into show biz, but now I feel differently. I now feel like it's a great career. If you can do it and make money at it and still not be so famous that you can have a normal life - then I think it's a great career.

Jay London

I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.

George Carlin

In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.

Al Franken

I'm neutral in this race but I'm for freedom of speech, which means people should be able to assemble and speak without being shouted down.

Groucho Marx

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

And even very recently, when Taliban was in office, we took the humanitarian task of building hospital, for instance, schools and other arrangements.