Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman
Henry "Henny" Youngmanwas an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His best known one-liner was "Take my wife ... please"...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth16 March 1906
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor home
I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."
funny relationship anniversary
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
funny humor shopping
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
sorry golf men
A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.
beach grandma kids
A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, we saved your grandson. The little Jewish Grandma says, He had a hat!
wife cooking dresses
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
years two people
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
atheist holiday christmas-wishes
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
years doing-nothing impossible
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
funny good-morning sorry
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
funny hurt humor
The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
funny humor pay
Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"
men doctors survival
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
different answers asks
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.