Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman
Henry "Henny" Youngmanwas an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His best known one-liner was "Take my wife ... please"...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth16 March 1906
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor years
His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.
funny humor years
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
football school years
In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, We want Youngman! We want Youngman! The coach says, Youngman - go see what they want!
new-year giving-up years
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
years wife lasts
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
years alaska bishops
A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!
years two people
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
years doing-nothing impossible
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
american-comedian
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
funny humor night
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
funny humor men
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
funny humor men
I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.
funny humor men
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"
funny girl war
During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.