Famous Quotes & Sayings

Norman Rockwell

If there was sadness in this creative world of mine, it was a pleasant sadness. If there were problems, they were humorous problems.

Heidi Julavits

I can't even tell you what else I imagined. I can only humiliate myself to such a degree; at a certain point it becomes humorous, and this story is not meant to be humorous. This story is meant to winch your ribs open and tamper with your heart. This story is meant to make you realize that your chances of happiness in this world are terribly slim if you lack a fine imagination.

Hilaire Belloc

But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.

Edsger Dijkstra

PL/1, the fatal disease, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set.

Herbert Beerbohm Tree

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.

Herb Caen

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Henry David Thoreau

We admire Chaucer for his sturdy English wit.... But though it is full of good sense and humanity, it is not transcendent poetry.For picturesque description of persons it is, perhaps, without a parallel in English poetry; yet it is essentially humorous, as the loftiest genius never is.

Eugene Ionesco

When I was born, I was almost fourteen years old. That's why I was able to understand more easily than most what it was all about.

Erma Bombeck

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other..

Erma Bombeck

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

Erma Bombeck

Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

Erma Bombeck

I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Erma Bombeck

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)

Erma Bombeck

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

Erma Bombeck

Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.

Flann O'Brien

I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.

Flannery O'Connor

I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.

Cassandra Clare

I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.

Harold Pinter

When you lead a life of scholarship you can't be bothered with the humorous realities, you know, tits, that kind of thing.

Isaac Asimov

Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all time low over the world.

Jennifer Granholm

I love the protest signs protected by the First Amendment - some of them humorous, some of them passionate, some factual, some entirely incorrect - all of them free ideas.

George S. Kaufman

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

Jerry Seinfeld

I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go, "Excuse me, I'm not here right now, If you just leave a message, I can walk away."

Jerome K. Jerome

The proverbial Englishman, we know from old chronicler Froissart, takes his pleasures sadly, and the Englishwoman goes a step further and takes her pleasures in sadness itself.

Jeffrey Gitomer

Go to humorous events at comedy clubs and watch laughable movies.

George Mikes

The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work.

George Mikes

Japan is, you often feel, an improved version of the United States.

George Mikes

In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state.

George Mikes

The Japanese are human beings like the rest of us, but they will strongly resent this insinuation.

George Mikes

The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan, Italians in Yugoslavia and Hungarians in Czechoslovakia that they simply cannot give a thought to Negroes in the United States.

George Mikes

The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead.

George Mikes

Tel-Aviv airport is still the only airport in the world where each passenger is met by ten relatives.