Famous Quotes & Sayings

Erma Bombeck

Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.

Flann O'Brien

I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.

Flannery O'Connor

I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.

Cassandra Clare

I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.

Jawaharlal Nehru

It is far better to know our own weaknesses and failures than to point out those of others.

George Burns

Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .

George Burns

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.

George Burns

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

George Bernard Shaw

I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.

Jack Benny

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

How could you not? I do have a sense of humor.

Jennifer Jones

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.

Tim Reynolds

That's kind of my own unusual sense of humor.

Cassandra Clare

Going round and around inside a dryer can be fatal, whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it.

Cassandra Clare

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?

Christopher Hitchens

The stupider the regime the more intelligent the people get and the more humorous.

Kirk Douglas

Streets crowded with people strolling, or sitting at outdoor cafes. And always, talking, gesturing, singing, laughing. I liked Rome immediately.Everybody was a performer.

Milton Berle

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

Ken Thompson

SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out!

Ken Thompson

The steady state of disks is full.

Ivan Illich

Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organized to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.

Harry S Truman

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.

H. L. Mencken

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something.

Mark Twain

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

Mark Twain

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

Mark Twain

But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!

Mark Twain

... all the modern inconveniences ...

Mark Twain

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

Mark Twain

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

Mark Twain

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

Mark Twain

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

Muhammad Ali

I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.