Famous Quotes & Sayings

Clive James

In recent years, perhaps encouraged by competition from McDonald's, the British hamburger has become a credit to the nation. At the time of which I speak, it looked like a scorched beer-coaster or a tenderized disc brake.

Clive James

Spending all my remaining money on a ticket to Florence was rendered needlessly complicated by the fact that none of the ticket-sellers had ever heard of the place. At last their supervisor showed up and set them straight by informing them that the city they had always referred to as 'Firenze' was in reality called Florence.

Anne Sexton

God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

Ambrose Bierce

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

Ambrose Bierce

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

Alice Walker

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

A. E. Housman

This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when they're in trouble And I am not.

A. E. Housman

Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed.

Ann Beattie

While I would agree that I write about serious subjects, and that they're not necessarily the most pleasant subjects or even the most pleasant people, as a writer I just think about the humorous aspects of these things - that's what keeps me going when I'm writing a story.

Christopher Moore

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

Chuck Norris

Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

Jeff Foxworthy

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

Jerome K. Jerome

Cultivate," I said, "a sense of humor. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good.

Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign that he wants all the truth.

Bob Costas

Any good broadcast, not just an Olympic broadcast, should have texture to it. It should have information, should have some history, should have something that's offbeat, quirky, humorous, and where called for it, should have journalism, and judiciously it should also have commentary. That's my ideal.

Billy Connolly

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

Curly Howard

I tried to think but nothing happened!

Clarence Darrow

Everything serious that he says is a joke and everything humorous that he says is dead serious.

Clarence Darrow

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

Alex Trebek

Viewers know that I have a weird sense of humor, but that I'm serious about the game,

David Mamet

It's only words... unless they're true.

Colm Meaney

I suppose I look for humor in most situations because it humanizes things; it makes a character much more three-dimensional if there's some kind of humor. Not necessarily laugh-out-loud type of stuff, just a sense that there is a humorous edge to things. I do like that.

E. W. Howe

If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.

Kin Hubbard

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

William Shakespeare

But it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, which, by often rumination, wraps me in the most humorous sadness.

Tim Reynolds

That's kind of my own unusual sense of humor.

His humour is very much like his movies, one-liners, fast, off-the-cuff stuff. He's always been like that.

Cassandra Clare

I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors.

Fred Allen

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

Eugene Ionesco

When I was born, I was almost fourteen years old. That's why I was able to understand more easily than most what it was all about.

Erma Bombeck

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other..

Erma Bombeck

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.