Famous Quotes & Sayings

Milton Berle

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

Milton Berle

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Jessica Simpson

Is this chicken or is this fish?

Jessica Simpson

I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me.

Ellen DeGeneres

Now airlines charge for everything... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen.

Hugh Leonard

There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

Hugh Hefner

My life is an open book. With illustrations.

Kellie Pickler

I thought Europe was a country?

Ellen DeGeneres

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?

Martha Stewart

I want to focus on my salad.

Jim Morrison

I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.

Joan Rivers

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

George Ade

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

Lord Byron

I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.

Karl Kraus

No ideas and the ability to express them - that's a journalist.

Siouxsie Sioux

You can't take anything like that seriously. I mean, sex is pretty hilarious anyway.

Matthew McConaughey

We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.

Muhammad Ali

If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize.

Kristen Schaal

I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.

Kid Rock

If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I'd turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray.

Mark Twain

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

Matt Groening

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Matt Groening

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

Mark Twain

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

Mark Twain

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

Christina Aguilera

I wouldn't feel right wearing clothes covering my body.

Miguel de Cervantes

The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.

Jon Stewart

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

Justin Timberlake

The best part about being alone is that you really don't have to answer to anybody. You do what you want.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle.

Simon Cowell

I actually don't understand a word Paula's saying anymore. It's like a new language.

Robert Conquest

The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.

Sarah Palin

All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.