Famous Quotes & Sayings

Dave Barry

If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when there WAS a military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon

Audrey Hepburn

I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.

Denise Richards

I am truly not one to give advice. I'm divorced and I stole my best friend's husband.

Bill Watterson

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

Daniel Handler

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

Ashleigh Brilliant

If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it.

Ashleigh Brilliant

One possible reason that I don't believe in fate is that I wasn't fated to.

Since he's so tall and so big it was hilarious to see him do it.

Amy Poehler

Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh.

Amy Poehler

Take your risks now; as you become older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn't even on.

Amy Poehler

Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life, the better.

Amy Poehler

There's power in looking silly and not caring that you do.

I am truly obsessed with Lena Dunham. I find everything about her unique and refreshing. She is a brilliant, hilarious and honest writer who is not afraid to make her audience uncomfortable.

It's hilarious to me that by writing an obscene fake children's book I am mistaken for a parenting expert.

Dan Chaon

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Dan Harmon

Pretty sad. Pretty lonely. But that's how I prefer it? I quess? I guess. It's a good guess. It's the best quess ever.

Colson Whitehead

Google "brooklyn writer" and you'll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it?

Julia Sweeney

Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish?

William Shakespeare

[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!

William Shakespeare

[Thine] face is not worth sunburning.

William Shakespeare

Thou art a very ragged Wart.

Bill Vaughan

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

Sean O'Casey

Laughter is wine for the soul-laughter soft, or loud and deep, tinged through with seriousness. the hilarious declaration made by man that life is worth living.

Benny Hill

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

Preston Sturges

wouldn't it be hilarious if he ran his pipes through (fill in the blank)?

Joan Rivers

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

George Ade

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

Kellie Pickler

I thought Europe was a country?

Lord Byron

I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.

Ellen DeGeneres

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?

Jim Morrison

I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.