Famous Quotes & Sayings

Dave Barry

If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when there WAS a military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon

Preston Sturges

wouldn't it be hilarious if he ran his pipes through (fill in the blank)?

Bill Watterson

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

Benny Hill

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

Bob Thaves

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

Daniel Handler

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

Ashleigh Brilliant

If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it.

Ashleigh Brilliant

One possible reason that I don't believe in fate is that I wasn't fated to.

Carlos Fuentes

The Mexicans descend from the Aztecs; the Peruvians descend from the Incas; the Argentineans descend from the boats.

Charles Dickens

Their demeanor is invariably morose, sullen, clownish and repulsive. I should think there is not, on the face of the earth, a people so entirely destitute of humor, vivacity, or the capacity for enjoyment.

Ricky Gervais

The service in L.A. is the best. You don't get sarcastic, surly, fed-up waiters and waitresses like you do in England. They're good at their job and they're there for the customer. The only depressing thing is a lot of them have written more screenplays than me.

Dave Barry

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

Dave Barry

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.

Bryan Singer

Since I started making films, I've been a nut for dialogue. When I first saw Star Wars when I was 12 years old, I came home and recited all of the lines from it. Before I talked about Death Stars exploding and Tie Fighters I was talking about how funny Princess Leia was and how sarcastic Han Solo was. So to me that's always the most important thing, and I love hearing great actors say great lines.

Carlos Ruiz Zafon

I was very bored at school. I found it very easy and slow and grey. My teachers didn't really know how to handle me, because I was very sarcastic. I was over-confident, arrogant, a typical youngest child. I went through periods of withdrawing into myself and school psychologists tried to figure me out, work out why I didn't fit in. I found that irritating, too.

Alan Bennett

So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.

Alan Bennett

Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.

Chetan Bhagat

The word “future” and females is a dangerous combination.

Cathy Guisewite

I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now.

Cathy Guisewite

Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material.

Bill Watterson

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.

Bill Watterson

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.

Bill Watterson

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.

Bill Watterson

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

Bob Monkhouse

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Edgar Allan Poe

If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.