Quotes about funny
funny baby dog
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. Jeff Foxworthy
funny ocean humor
Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.
funny family feelings
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
funny baby children
Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it. Jean Kerr
funny kind proof
A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven. Jean Chretien
funny trust betrayal
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, youve got it made. Jean Giraudoux
funny divorce playboy
To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while. James Caan
funny money sex
Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did. James A. Baldwin
funny uplifting baby
There is a 'sanctity' involved with bringing a child into this world: it is better than bombing one out of it.
funny animal may
May this continent, the last explored by humankind, be the first one to be spared by humankind. Jacques Yves Cousteau
funny inspiring food
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. Jackie Gleason
funny money humorous
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. Jackie Mason
funny party humorous
You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat. Jackie Kennedy
funny life witty
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination. Christopher Isherwood
funny humor signatures
I didn't notice him coming, but he didn't seem to be looking for an autograph signature George Harrison
funny witty age
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. Freddie Mercury
funny farce curtains
Bring down the curtain, the farce is over Francois Rabelais
funny running dog
Keep running after a dog and he will never bite you.
funny humorous statistics
I can prove anything by statistics except the truth. George Canning
funny military air
Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? George C. Wallace
funny people alive
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. Christina Aguilera
funny cute boyfriend
Right now I'm pretty single... My career is my boyfriend.
funny movie stupid
So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
funny ocean dumb
I'm an ocean, because I'm really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures.
funny hate rap
The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body. Chris Rock
funny humor guy
You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!
funny baby lying
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies ... a man lie is, "I was at Kevin's house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"
funny war humor
I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.
funny humor water
Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.
funny running sex
It's hard for a man to turn down sex ... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.
funny believe taken
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"
funny humor diploma
You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.
funny hate humor
I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!