Quotes about funny
funny make-out right-now
We hould totally make out right now Jennifer Lawrence
funny say-anything normal
Why can't I say anything normal?
funny today killing
Hervey (Weinstein) thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today
funny might pants
If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on.
funny house pants
I never leave my house. Then I don't have to put a bra on, and I don't have to change my pants.
funny romantic thinking
A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life; but the obstacle that has to be overcome is key. Jennifer Lopez
funny humor white
If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn't look very cozy.
funny sex humor
[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day. Jeff Foxworthy
funny humor thinking
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
funny jobs humor
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
funny humor men
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
funny humor grandmother
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
funny change humor
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
funny girl humor
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
funny humor diapers
You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
funny baby humor
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they'll spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
funny humor doors
The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
funny humor church
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.
funny humor talking
The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
funny humor men
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.
funny humor redneck
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
funny-friend men phones
I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."
funny country humor
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
funny humor redneck
If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
funny humor redneck
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
funny humor wife
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
funny humor redneck
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
funny humor home
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
funny humor redneck
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
funny graduation hilarious
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
funny humor people
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
funny song humor
I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
funny book humor
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.