Famous Quotes & Sayings

Kristen Schaal

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want...

Kristen Schaal

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

Kristen Schaal

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

Kristen Schaal

You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.

Kristen Schaal

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

Kristen Schaal

I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.

Kristen Schaal

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater...

Kristen Schaal

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

Kristen Schaal

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.

Kristen Schaal

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

Kristen Schaal

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

Kristen Schaal

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

Kristen Schaal

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Kristen Schaal

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Kristen Schaal

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

Kristen Schaal

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

Kristen Schaal

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

Kristen Schaal

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Kristen Schaal

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

Kristen Schaal

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

Kristen Schaal

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

Kristen Schaal

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Kristen Schaal

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

Kristen Schaal

I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

Kristen Schaal

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

Kristen Schaal

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

Kristen Schaal

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

Kristen Schaal

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners...

Kristen Wiig

With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny.

Kristen Stewart

I had to act in a school play when I was about ten years old. I really didn't want to do it. But everyone had to do it so I didn't have a choice. A talent agent came and watched it and later gave me some work. It's funny because I'd always known that I wanted a movie career. I just didn't think that I would be in the movies.

Kristen Stewart

And I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way. It's a funny little game to play and it's a slippery slope. I always say to myself I'm never going to give anything away because there's never any point or benefit for me.

Kristen Stewart

It's a funny thing: You want so badly for people to see what you do - you're proud of it - and I like the effect that movies have on people. But the attention can also make me uncomfortable.

Kristen Stewart

I love sitting down and having actual conversations. But I don't do that sound-bite, be-candidly-funny thing.