Famous Quotes & Sayings

Larry David

People have often wondered how they'd feel if they were adopted. I think it's funny.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Susan Stroman

Mel has written 10 new songs, and they're very funny. It's a year and a half away from opening on Broadway.

Billy Corgan

The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.

Bill Shankly

A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.

Bill Engvall

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."

Bill Engvall

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

Bill Engvall

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Bill Engvall

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

Justin Hawkins

Such as glass in food, a baby crying in your dining room, someone smoking in your restaurant and you're non-smoking, people bring in food that's not yours.

Ron Labrec

Some of the adults held an infant over the side and threatened to drop the baby into the water unless we stood off.

Donald Berry

Our biggest challenge is to convince the regulators that we are not throwing the baby out with the bathwater by using a Bayesian approach. It is rigorous and we are not losing science by using it.

Robert Kiyosaki

Remember to dream big, think long-term, underacheive on a daily basis, and take baby steps. That is the key to long-term success.

and City

Really wanted a little baby to love, though not, obviously, weekend nanny to shag ex-husband.

Beck

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

John Donovan

We needed good credit, and our income needed to fall within the range for our family. They started out counting us as three, with our son, Evan. The baby had to come out before it could be counted too.

Billy Corgan

I went to see a shaman. He put his hands on me, and I cried like a baby for an hour.

Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids.

Justin Verlander

People in real life don't get ballplayers' humor, the way we talk in the clubhouse.

Stan Heath

Steven has a humorous side to him that you wouldn't expect. I see more of it this season. Life is more normal for him in some ways. He's opening up slowly.

Joanna Lumley

That's the staggering, humorous thing about money. If you haven't got taste, money doesn't matter: You'll always look ghastly.

Karen Leathem

I think it's sort of a trademark quality of New Orleans that people can usually find humor in the worst situations.

Greg Evans

Laugh at yourself once in a while; give yourself a break.

Ed Peterson

I think this is a legislative sense of humor the rest of us don't appreciate.

Stephen J. Cannell

I love 'Dexter.' The dark sense of humor is wonderful.

Carlos Ponce

I can't live without a sense of humor. I need to be laughing and entertained at all times.

Justin Turner

Jamaal is real a humorous and entertaining guy.