Quotes about funny
funny humor garden
People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden." Craig Ferguson
funny humor men
A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.
funny humor littles
If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'
funny humor waiting
Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
funny humor enjoy
I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.
funny humor monkeys
Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.
funny sports humor
I only like sports that Bond villains played.
funny humor beard
I have a beard. Just not on my face...
funny humor cake
I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying...
funny talking ifs
I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.
funny basketball team
Why don't they allow professional wrestling at the Olympics? They allow pro basketball players and hockey players. Olympic pro wrestling would be awesome. The team from Mexico could wear those Mr. X masks. The French wrestler could hit his opponent with a baguette. Or perhaps just surrender.
funny night london-olympics
Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.
funny sports growing-up
Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of Connecticut.
funny team london-olympics
Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.
funny country gymnastics
I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That type of political pandering isn't meant for gymnastic Olympic events. It's meant for the Supreme Court.
funny humor profound
I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.
funny humor wake-up
You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble.
funny humor views
The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.
funny father son
I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
funny humor naughty
I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.
funny humor night
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
funny humor thinking
Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
funny holiday humor
I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.
funny humor doubt
When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.
funny humor drs
Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.
funny laughter humor
You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry
funny dream sex
This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it
funny party humor
Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.
funny swimming cereal
A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.
funny humor thinking
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
funny thanksgiving football
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.
funny humor thinking
I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.
funny christmas spiritual
Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.